“Een levensbedreigende ziekte brengt bij de meeste mensen het beste naar boven”

“Je hebt een aantal, denkbeeldige dan hè, kringen om je heen. De eerste kring die om je heen staat bevat de mensen waar je op dat moment veel mee optrekt of mee hebt. Dat kan familie zijn en een paar dierbare vrienden. Dan volgt er nog een kring daar weer omheen met daarin de mensen die iets verder van je af staan. Dat kunnen je collega’s en vrienden die je minder vaak ziet zijn, en wellicht een neef of een nicht. Dan heb je de buitenste kring en daarin zijn mensen die je wel lief of aardig vindt of allebei maar die staan iets verder van je af.

3 februari 2015
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Het mooiste van die kringen is dat ze niet statisch zijn, ze bewegen, niet zozeer de kringen maar de mensen die zich daarin bevinden. Soms staat iemand in de binnenste kring en soms een kring verderop. Dit alles hangt af van de fase waar je leven zich op dat moment in bevindt. Stiekem zitten er nog veel kringen om je heen maar dat weet je niet totdat je te maken krijgt met die kringen.

In maart 2014 kreeg ik de diagnose borstkanker. Wat er allemaal met mij gebeurde ga ik hier niet vertellen daar heb ik een mooi blog voor. Wel wil ik graag met jullie delen wat al die kringen voor mij betekend hebben en nog steeds doen.

Een levensbedreigende ziekte brengt bij de meeste mensen het beste naar boven. Ik benadruk de meeste mensen want er zijn helaas ook mensen waarbij het slechtste naar boven komt. De grootste groep stuurde kaarten, bloemen, boeken en lasagneschotels. Het was werkelijk hartverwarmend om te zien waar het allemaal vandaan kwam. Je zou bijna denken dat ik wel tien kringen om mij heen had. Familie, vrienden, collega’s, relaties, vrienden van vrienden, kennissen, de buurvrouw, de bloemenvrouw en ga zo maar door. Ik heb me nog nooit zo geliefd gevoeld als in die eerste bange dagen. De stroom met kaarten en bloemen heeft zeker nog maanden doorgezet. Ik bleef maar vazen vullen en kaarten ophangen.

Nu hielp het natuurlijk wel dat ik, bijna vanaf dag een een blog ben gestart. Op die manier kon een ieder op zijn of haar gemak en tijdstip lezen hoe het mij verging tijdens de onderzoeken, chemo’s en andere behandelingen. Mijn blog werd doorgegeven aan de zus van een vriendin of de tante van een kennis. Zo kwamen er steeds meer kringen bij.

Ik heb mij gelaafd aan al die aandacht. Het deed en doet mij nog steeds zo goed om een lief bericht of kaartje te ontvangen.

Het besef dat iemand de moeite neemt om te schijven dat hij/zij aan je denkt ontroert mij nog elke dag.

Helaas is er ook een hele kleine groep mensen die niet weten hoe ze met mensen met kanker om moeten gaan. Misschien ze hebben genoeg aan hun eigen sores. Hoe dan ook, het doet wat met je dat zij je negeren en je dus helemaal niet komen opzoeken. Het blijft knagen maar ik kan er niets aan veranderen dus probeer ik het te accepteren en er verder niets persoonlijks van te maken. Soms is het zoals het is. Ik kan niet in hun hoofd kijken, was het maar zo’n feest dan weet je precies wat er scheelt. Ze kunnen het niet helpen, denk ik maar. Ze komen wel weer als het beter met mij gaat of ze verdwijnen in de achterste kringen.

Gedurende mijn ziekteproces heeft er een volksverhuizing plaats gevonden in al die kringen om mij heen. Er zijn mensen op de achtergrond geraakt maar ook zijn er nieuwe mensen doorgedrongen tot de binnenste kring. Wie weet wat voor moois deze mensen mij gaan brengen en ik hen natuurlijk, hahaha.

Als je net het nieuws hebt ontvangen zakt de grond onder je voeten weg en wil en kun je even aan niemand anders denken dan jezelf. Dat is nodig om overeind te blijven staan maar doe jezelf en je omgeving een lol, pot het niet op probeer te delen hoe je je voelt. Mensen kunnen nog steeds geen gedachten lezen. Als je in de put zit, praat erover. Echt, het lucht op, als is het maar een beetje. Geef ook aan wat je prettig en vooral ook wat je niet prettig vindt. Ik had in het begin erg veel moeite met de slecht nieuws verhalen van anderen. Ik heb dit maar iedere keer aangegeven en op den duur hielden mensen het wel voor zich. Doe wat het beste voor jou is. Er is maar een manier om met deze situatie om te gaan en dat is JOUW manier. Laat je niet van de wijs brengen en vertrouw op je onderbuikgevoel. Laat die kringen om je heen je omarmen. Dat is zó fijn daar kun je niet genoeg van krijgen.”

39 reacties

  • Nell says:

    Zoals gewoonlijk zo mooi, en zo waar. Kus.

  • Nicole says:

    wat een onwijs mooi en ZO WAAR geschreven!!! Recht uit je hart chant kus(al hou je niet van zoenen) hihi

  • Danielle vd Berg says:

    Mooi Chantal! En wat een veelzijdigheid, naast spinningjuf en musicalregisseur nu ook columnist… Knap!

  • iris thewessen says:

    wat een mooi verhaal weer chantal, knap hoor!

  • Folke says:

    Wat een herkenbaar verhaal van die kringen en die lasagnaschaal!! Voor mij is het gebeuren inmiddels 5 jaar geleden en gaat het goed; helaas zit mijn lotgenoot nog in t proces, dat maakt het voor mij moeilijk en oneerlijk!! Sterkte en blijf zo positief in t leven staan! Folke (ps, als ik tijd heb ga ik je blogs ook lezen, dit ging via een link die ik kreeg van pink ribbon)

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