Uit volle borst

“Ik wil Joyce vragen om naar voren te komen.” Met een bonzend hart kom ik overeind. Ik recht mijn schouders, duw mijn kersverse nieuwe borst vooruit en loop richting de microfoon. Ik pak mijn papieren erbij, haal even diep adem en schraap mijn keel.

2 juni 2014
32 reacties

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Zelf een evenement organiseren, achter een stand staan voor de verkoop van artikelen, een cheque in ontvangst nemen, kort een paar vragen beantwoorden of vertellen wat de organisatie doet. Het hoort allemaal bij de taken van een ambassadeur. Een functie die ik sinds mijn chemokuren met veel trots vervul. Maar nu sta ik voor een wel heel bijzonder optreden: een presentatie geven tijdens een concert van Inspire2livemusic. Een stichting die zich inzet voor kankerbestrijding en dit keer speciaal voor Pink Ribbon.

Mijn borstreconstructie heeft pas enkele weken geleden plaatsgevonden, maar weerhoudt mij er niet van om vandaag af te reizen naar de andere kant van het land. Samen met mijn zusje loop ik in de richting van de grote verlichte kerk op het plein. Eenmaal aangekomen bij de nog gesloten kerkdeur blijven we even vertwijfeld staan. De imposante rij wachtende bezoekers is ietwat overweldigend. Een rondje om de kerk brengt ons bij de achteringang. Enthousiast worden wij onthaald en voorgesteld aan de andere hoofdrolspelers van vanavond.

Als het bijna gaat beginnen nemen wij plaats op onze gereserveerde plekken op de eerste rij. Ik ben onder de indruk van de ruime, maar vooral door de goedgevulde kerk. Nervositeit die er voor die tijd nog niet was borrelt op in de richting van mijn darmen. Ik spiek snel in het programmaboekje wanneer het mijn beurt is.

Het klassieke concert gaat van start en de dirigenten bespelen energiek hun koren. De koorleden zingen uitbundig de ingestudeerde stukken, afgewisseld door de zuivere stemmen van de solisten. Enigszins jaloers kijk ik naar de lange weelderige bos haar van de begeleidende pianist, zijn alom bekende handelsmerk.

Meerdere mensen raken ontroerd. Ineens komt bij mij het besef binnen dat ik dit aan het veroorzaken ben.

Niet veel later kijkt iedereen nieuwsgierig mijn kant uit. Mijn ogen kijken even snel in de rondte en aanschouwen de vele honderden aanwezigen in de kerkbanken. Ik begin met wat cijfers en feiten over borstkanker, wat de organisatie doet en waar het geld aan wordt besteed.

Over de negen mensen per dag die er overlijden aan de gevolgen van borstkanker. En dat de opbrengst van vanavond volledig zal gaan naar het onderzoek naar betere behandeling van uitgezaaide borstkanker. Mijn persoonlijke verhaal komt vervolgens ook uitvoerig aan bod en afsluitend lees ik voor uit eigen werk. Terwijl ik mijn ervaringen over de amputatie van mijn borsten voordraag zie ik een golf van emotie door het publiek trekken. Meerdere mensen, waaronder de hoofddirigent en tevens organisator van de avond, raken ontroerd. Ineens komt bij mij het besef binnen dat ik dit aan het veroorzaken ben. Ik probeer mij hierdoor niet van de wijs te laten brengen en rond mijn verhaal rustig af.

Eenmaal uitgesproken is het even stil in de kerk, waarna er een luid applaus klinkt. Gelaten neem ik het in ontvangst en draai me om. Ik kijk recht in haar betraande ogen. Mijn verhaal was negentien jaar geleden ook haar verhaal. Met helaas een essentieel verschil: zij weet al enige tijd dat ze niet meer beter gaat worden. Voor haar stond ik hier vanavond, voor haar en voor alle andere mensen met uitgezaaide borstkanker. De warme omhelzing en de vloeiende tranen verbinden ons. Tot vandaag waren wij nog onbekenden van elkaar.

Op de terugweg in de auto denk ik aan de bijzondere avond en de ontmoeting met de inspirerende dirigent en zijn mooie krachtige echtgenote. Hun levensmotto blijft nog lang nazingen in mijn gedachten… Carpe Diem!

32 reacties

  • Super knap van je en heel veel respect voor jou!!

  • Barbarella Haccou says:

    Mooi!!!!!!!!!!!! Zo knap… Ik zou er geen letter uit krijgen, inderdaad RESPECT!!!

  • Janny van den Berg says:

    Ja dat zal wel heel moeilijk zijn geweest! Maar jij bent gelukkig bijzonder sterk dat zit gewoon in je gene! Maar ondanks dat heb ik toch heel veel bewondering voor jou hoe je ermee omgaat! Groetjes Janny

  • Heleen Hoes says:

    Ik stond in één van de koren achter je toen je je indrukwekkende verhaal vertelde.Het was muisstil.Ik ken je niet.De ander ken ik wel. Er is een diep respect voor jullie beide!!!! Ik wens jullie al het goede!

  • shivatje says:

    Respect voor u

  • Respect

  • Brigitte van Houten says:

    Ja wederom, ontroerd x

  • Danielle Portengen says:

    Inderdaad “carpe diem” <3

  • Jenny says:

    “Terwijl ik mijn ervaringen over de amputatie van mijn borsten voordraag zie ik een golf van emotie door het publiek trekken. Meerdere mensen, waaronder de hoofddirigent en tevens organisator van de avond, raken ontroerd.”
    Wat mooi en bijzonder dat je dit teweeg kon brengen bij dat grote publiek Joyce! Dat kan niet iedereen!
    X (en tot gauw 😉

  • Annette Warmerdam says:

    Wauw!!! Wat ontzettend knap van je!! En weer met veel “plezier” je column gelezen!!!

  • Carrie en Johan says:

    Weer een een heel mooie column en en heel mooi dat je dat kunt!
    en inderdaad …. pluk de dag!

  • Berat says:

    Yours is a clever way of thiiknng about it.

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